i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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