Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
