I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
