dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
