Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
