Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
