she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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