Me too!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
