I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
