I wanna passion pit in your ass
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
