..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
