the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dick very happy bro
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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