I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
