Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
