We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we made out on top of his cat.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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