he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The uberlube is also flammable
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
