All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
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Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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