i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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