We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
