3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
