im having a threesome with these popsicles
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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