I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
