just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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