I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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