This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's just like the Real World with babies
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.