im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You ruined the universe
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
