Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
