her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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