She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
