He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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