What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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