Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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