it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
