Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
