Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
