3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
