Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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