He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
