Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
