Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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