it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
