Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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