I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
