I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
