I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
