Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
