Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
