Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
