Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
