you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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