I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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