How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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