You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
