You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
