Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
birth control should be required to get into college
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Randomize
