It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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