He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
