I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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