actually, I'm a sock model
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
