using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
