I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
