guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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