I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
