Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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