My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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