Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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