cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
should my penis look like a turkey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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