I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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