apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
